Rest, laugh, plan adventures… Somewhere
Q1 If, and when, you die what kind of service or funeral would you like and why
Need a huge party! And huge is important here… have talked about this a little with others, and realise that I would feel awful to witness my funeral with a poor turn out… the ultimate popularity contest! ‘I may have met you once in the toilets of the Dog and Bell but I want you to be at my last party!’
Ok… serious now… Would want anyone who had any feelings for me (to whatever depth) to come along and laugh a lot (NOT DERISIVELY!) or cry a lot or both… whatever feels right No unnecessary dwelling on the negative… would like to be remembered with a smile.
Addition in 2023: I’m leaving behind a son, who I hope will be at least 70 before I depart (which will make me 110 years old), but even so I would like him to be comforted, made to laugh and contacted often by my remaining friends and family. He should be the focus of this, my last party!
Q2 What colours or clothing would you want to be dressed in (or others to be dressed in)
For me I think it should be comfortable clothing (though no one can be allowed to see my empty shell, none of this uncovered casket business). Everyone else may wear whatever they wish to, want everyone to feel good about how they look and feel.
Q3 If you close your eyes what do you see right now?
I see open space… huge, mainly flat with distant background hills…a large valley! Dramatic skeletal winter trees (though not cold, definitely not cold, I dont ask for much!). I see all shades of grey from very dark to very light (even in death everything will match!). Us lot will be the only colour in the landscape.
Addition in 2023: Actually scrub the bit about not wanting it to be cold – my menopausal self wants it on the cold side – a hot day would be catastrophic. If there is any chance of life after death, and its a hot day, I’m not leaving the house to attend my own funeral!
Q4 If you would like to say anything about this project, your last wishes or anything this brings up for you, please add here.
I realise I have never considered the fact that we all reach an end (not very good with endings). Will undoubtedly continue to delude myself for as long as it is possible. The words of others have touched a nerve.. .beautiful… funny… sad.
Addition in 2023: An understanding and embracing of loss has developed with age – I used to shut this part of life out, unable to accept it’s inevitability. But having experienced significant losses, of people who were a part of me, I am able to appreciate life to a greater extent.
Q5 How have your feelings or experiences of loss changed over the last 3 years? How might you grace yourself forgiveness for any regrets around death of loved ones and letting go of guilt
I’ve experienced significant loss, of people who were a part of me, over the last three years. Age and experience has allowed me to fully accept that death is a part of life, however much I resisted even contemplating it in the past. On days when I’m fully present (not distracted) I’m able to appreciate life more fully, as a consequence of losing people I love. I’ve also learnt that regret is something to be avoided wherever possible – so try to do what is right and not what is easy, and many regrets will fall away.
Q6 Any suggestions for others who who might need to arrange your/a funeral or grieving (or both)
Don’t stress too much – just try to have a good time and ask others to do that too.
Q7 Are there any pieces of music comes to mind or you’d like to share
Somewhere – Tom Waits
Q8 What three things will you do for your care and life this month?
Rest, laugh, plan adventures
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Last Picture of You (LPU) 